The Perfect Spot

I believe I think about life too much. I'm a thinker, a planner, I want to know where I am headed. So now I sit here at the dining room table thinking, "why do I think to much?" Maybe it just means I am supposed to head to bed and get some sleep. But instead I'm going to type so all the thoughts pervading my mind may escape into the cyber world and out of my head for a few minutes.

On the dining room table is jigsaw puzzle. I who love to make analogies thought how could this jigsaw puzzle be like my life. The point of a jigsaw puzzle is to complete a picture. It may take all of Thanksgiving break to construct but in the end it will be a beautiful picture of the "Arch de Triumph".

Now imagine that the puzzle pieces were alive and could move on their own, would they be able to complete the picture? I do not believe they could, because of their perspective (facing upward). They miss the overall picture. They cannot see what they are apart of. They exist in a two dimensional world.

I feel like that puzzle piece laying on the table. I know I have place in this world that I have been created for but I cannot see it. Maybe other pieces have to be put in place before I realize I am in the right spot.

I am created for a purpose just like everyother puzzle piece in this world. And together we put together a beautiful picture. If any one of us were missing there would be a hole in the picture. The picture would be incomplete. If we tried to place ourselves thinking we know better where we would fit, the picture would be distorted.

Only a human being can put together the jigsaw puzzle (Sadie may try but her paws are too clumsy and I don't believe chimps and primates would find any interest in the task). So we humans organize these puzzle pieces because we exsist in a dimension above them. We have a better perspective to see the overall picture. It may take us time to complete the puzzle but it will be completed eventually.

Just like the puzzle pieces, I have to look to the One who has a better perspective on life. He not only knows the grand picture but created it. He made me and created where I belonged and he is now enjoying his creation.

Now I think I tend to be a stubborn puzzle piece. I keep thinking I can help God out by finding my own spot. I think I have figured it out and wedge myself into the situation. Only for God to pull me out again and say "wait dear one... just wait.. I have the perfect spot for you."

Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Upon moving to Henry County I adopted a sweet yet needy puppy from a rescue shelter. After battling every worm known to man inside this dog's system, he finally began to fill out and live a happy fulfilled life. His name was Kokomo Jack.

Kokomo watched every day as I left for school and waited for me to return. He would great me at the door... Ecstatic that I had returned. I felt so guilty for the hours he was left alone in the house to amuse himself.

Kokomo was an excellent watch dog barking madly at the dogs in all the mirrors and windows and keeping my friends at bay. If ever a broom or a gate fell near him he would defend all others against the unstable object which may attack again at any time.

As I sat on the couch often he would sail out of no where to land on my lap and place his nose right up to my eye or nose to say hello.

He had the softest ears and the sweetest face. He was the best four legged basketball player next to Air bud and could play better defense than most high school teams. He was inquisitive. If he heard a noise he'd cock his head to the side to try to make out where the noise came from.

So in the four months of Kokomo living at my home.. I had fallen in love with him. He was my companion. The one who kept me company. He had an ear to listen and a nose to comfort.

This love I have for my puppy has made this weekend all the more difficult as he died after eating Decon. I try to not beat myself up over his death, for it was his inquisitive nature that got the best of him. But to know he will never again say hello to me after a day at school or greet me in the morning, is a tough reality to face. It still seems as if he is just on vacation. The should of ... I wish I would haves can haunt the mind. Here is my poem to Kokomo Jack.

I would have said goodbye
If I knew there was no time to borrow
I would have hugged you more
had I known there was no tomorrow.
I had thought we had a lifetime together
sharing the hours of our life.
But now I realize that time is but a gift
and not promised as a right.
I hope you know how much I loved you
and the joy you brought to my side.
I'm sorry I could not protect you from death
or comforted you as you died.
Take care my friend and thank you
for your selfless love and care
You filled my home with laughter and
and helped me feel secure there

Breaking through walls and jumping through roofs



I have been reading a book called "Shaping the Spiritual Lives of Students" by Robert Dunn, and it is an amazing book and I've only half way through the 2nd Chapter. The other night I was reading and God sent a jolt to my heart of a vision of his purpose for my life. The book refers to the time when 4 friends helped the parapalegic friend reach Jesus' feet to be healed. The house was pack and there was no way into Jesus.. but the friends did not despair. Rather they thought around the barriers and found away. They hauled their friend to the roof.. made a hole within the roof to lower their friend to Jesus. They did everything possible... even at the risk of making others mad.. to get their friend to Jesus.

That night I saw the vision... that as a teacher and a youth leader.. it is my job to break through the barriers that seperate my kids from knowing Jesus. God has blessed me with more than 200 high school kids in my life. Kids whom I love with an overwhelming love like a parent to a child. I desire the best for them... I desire for them to know Jesus.

Sometimes, helping kids to know Jesus means breaking down the barriers. Paul said, "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some." We must learn to speak the truth to our kids meaningfully... learning who they are and what they care about... so that we can use their language to share God's love.

Ministry is probably one God's most amazing blessings but also one of the scariest. There are those who desire to be healed but there are barriers ... prejudices and strange vocabulary that seperate them from seeing Jesus who loves them so very much that he died for them.

Praising God through the Eyes of a Child

Before Junior Camp started last week I read Matthew chapter 19:

13 Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
15 When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.

I have heard this passage since I was one of the "little children", but reading it this particular time God gave me a mission. I was about to spend the week with a camp full of 4th, 5th, and 6th grade children from all over Michigan. How was God preparing me to be a counselor? The words that resonated me those hours before the campers arrived were "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Jesus is saying.. clear the way.. open the door.. just let Me reach them. He is not saying to drag them to his feet or string them along, but rather introduce Him. Christ is alive.. He is present... and He alone has the power to change lives.

I am not saying that I should sit back and get some sun because Jesus will do it all.. but rather I'm saying that I needed to allow him to direct my thoughts, actions, and especially words so that the kids can see Christ and not Emily. Jesus has more power and love then we can ever imagine... we only have to have faith. With the faith of a mustard seed we can see mountains and stone hearts move by His power.

It was said last week at Camp Crystal.. "this is the real world.. if only we could act as we do at camp in life." I can feel the truth of these words in my heart... for at Crystal I am able to love my God with every inch of my being. There is no hesitation to dance, shout, laugh, or sing what is on my heart. Crystal is a special place for me. It was where I first felt the Holy Spirit within me when I was in 5th grade. We are able to be separated from the hurriedness of the world and be still. Granted a lot of my camp is praising God with singing, dancing, art, and laughter. Even while the body is moving... my spirit stills and is able to listen and see clearly. God reaches to my heart at camp through the beautiful surroundings and the children. I thank God for children... their innocence and joy is inspiring. To see the world as they see it and to love God as they do. Jesus loved the little children.. and we should to.

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."Matthew 18:10

"By his wounds we are healed" First Peter 2:24b

Once again I find myself unable to sleep, for I feel compelled to jot down the thoughts parading in my brain. I'm sure we all have at one point in our lives been wounded, scraped, cut, or bruised. It seems to be a part of life. I know that I had my share of scraped knees and elbows, cuts, and bruises that come with the active life of a young child. Each of these wounds require attention. They require to be washed, dried, and to be smathered with anti-biotic. Then the entire deal is covered with a bandage and a kiss. Without the cleansing, the wound will not heal... it will develop an infection or leave a scar. The bandage is important because it not only keeps away furthur irritants but also subdues the longing to pick at the scab. Now almost every child I've met will eagerly agree to the bandage and kiss.. but are much more resistant to the cleaning and disinfecting. Properly cared for the wound will heal with little to no rememberance.

There are the wounds that also seem to be universal but the bleeding is not visible. These are the emotional wounds we encounter. They are created through many methods.. harsh words... indifferent attitudes... or criticism. These wounds require a ritual of cleaning and bandaging which is often forgotton. I know I've tried to hide my hurt, ignoring it, and hoping it would just vanish. Or I would let it begin to heal and then pick at the scab exacerbating the problem. This has often left sensitive areas in my heart which others quite unintentionally hurt. It has left me a little hesistant to engage others for fear of further wounds robbing me of the joy and blessings life has to offer. I know just who to run to for healing.. Jesus Christ.

I show these hurts and pains to Jesus.. just as I would run to my mom or dad with my scraped knee. And then I have to let Jesus pour the cleansing hydrogen peroxide of the soul on my heart so that it can heal. Sometimes this can be just as unpleasant as hydrogen peroxide is to a child.... it typically requires forgiveness of the one who caused the hurt. But after it is over... he bandages of the wounded yet clean heart and kisses and reminds me that I am loved and I shall be healed. Jesus spent a great deal of his ministry healing those who requested it. All we need is ask and have faith that He is capable.

Mark 5:34 NIV
He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Storms, Rainbows, and Fourth Chapter of Mark

This past week has been wet, rainy, and yes a little stormy at times as well. In fact this past Thursday as I was about to head to my sister's house to watch Survivor I noticed the winds picking up and the clouds looming over head and although rain was beginning to fall the sun was still shining. Not wanting to out run another tornado in one year... I decided it was best to check for any warnings before heading out the door. Should I go or stay?? Well I decided to go.. maybe it was my desire for adventure... maybe it was the fact that I had cabin fever from staying at home for 3 days.. or the fact that there were no storm warnings posted. As the sun blinded my eyes.. and the rain blurred my vision ... I witnessed a breath taking moment as a full rainbow stretched over my apartment complex. WOW! I wished I had my camera to capture the moment..but then some moments are best captured in the memory. The moment was so beautiful that I had to call my sister to make sure she didn't miss it. And to think I almost missed it myself.. because I was scared of being caught in a storm.

The whole situation reminded me of a passage of scripture I have been wrestling with this semester. It is a familiar Sunday school story to some... Jesus calming the storm. I struggled with this passage because I feel like that if I were a disciple I'd probably wake up Jesus.. If you knew you had the Son of God with you would you want him to do something? So when Jesus rebukes them, " Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I would be crushed. I'd be like of course I have faith.. didn't I wake you up to do something! So as these questions paraded through my brain.. I knew that there had to be something more... something that God wanted me to know.

My impression of the situation is this... the disciples knew that Jesus was in the boat.. so no matter what the weather was they should have known they were safe. Jesus didn't have to demonstrate his power to them for them to be safe. So.. how does this apply to my life? (and maybe yours too) Life brings storms in all kinds of forms and I'm not going to try to quantify them. However, for me with Jesus in my life, I know that I will be safe in his arms. He might not always stop the storm... but he'll be there and I can trust him. In fact just as without the storms I would not have seen my rainbow... sometimes making it through the challenging times in life I am able to see the clearest blessings. But if I were to scared to face the storm I may never known the blessing.

I myself have just weathered the storm of a career change... realizing that my heart was not in the engineering industry... I leaped into the storm of the unknown future (a very scary one for me) and pursued what God might have in store for me. (well I did have an inkling it would involve science and students) Now this storm has cleared... and I have a bright new challenge of teaching science to high school students in the fall. I'm excited to get started.. but I know it will be a challenge with its own frustrations and "storms" to give to God.

Now I'm not suggesting that you chase tornados... what I'm saying is.. that when you find yourself in a challenging, frustrating, crushing, or tiring situation... have faith! and know that Jesus is here and you will make it through.

Jesus Calms the Storm - Mark 4: 37-41

A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Well it is 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep... my brain is turning and I just look forward to the end of my final tomorrow morning. Then I shall have survived my year at UK. It is amazing how life can move so fast and yet so slowly at the same time. As I dwell upon my last comment... I think that sums my mental state pretty well. I enjoy reminsining of past events and thus life seems to be passing by like a roller coaster... yet I'm hoping and planning for my future which never seems to arrive and thus times stands still. It is really quite the amazing phenomenon and no wonder my head has been spinning lately and I can't sleep.

At youth group on Wednesday we discussed "how do we know we are in God's will?". And the kids came up with it is

Believing in God and growing in a closer relationship with him such that you are influencing others in everything you do.

I think they are quite insiteful :) And by that definition, I feel at peace that I am in God's will... despite the fact the nagging fear that all my plans and hopes will never be. I strive to remember that the other thing I learned at the youth group session was ..

God's will is not necessarily regarding my future or what I am supposed to do.. but rather God's will is who I am. Not who I was or who I will be but who I am in this moment.

So if you have ever felt that dizzing effect that trying to think of the future and the past at the same time.. sit back... relax.. and realize where you are and make make the most of that moment.

And so as the clock turns to 2:00AM in keeping with the spirit I shall enjoy a soothing cup of tea and some quiet time.. hoping to gain a few hours rest before my 8:00 exam. I shall leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies...

"Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary. " - John Keating - Dead Poet's Society